My first day of school

During my American life, there are certain things I try to avoid for my own good; the healthcare system; traffic cops; eating Texan barbecue every day.  Another big item on that list has always been: the school system.  It's not that I'm ignorant of it - I've watched Grease, and Clueless - but it just seems so big and sprawling and incomprehensible that it can sit in the same unopened box in my mind as quantum physics and getting a job.

Unfortunately my son insists on growing up, and so today, along with every other kindergartener in Houston, he started school.

Of course, this was really the end of a process that began with moving into a house in a good school zone, assuming you just go to the local school, then finding out that you don't, but then managing to apply (presenting birth certificates, passports, and library cards from three generations of ancestors) and getting in, then keeping the white pieces of paper but signing and returning the green ones, then receiving letters informing you that you have to buy ALL the school stationery yourself and deliver it on the first morning, then attending presentations and initiations, then...then...then...

To complicate matters, I'm sure when I first met Pete's teacher she spoke English but now she and all the staff insist on speaking only Spanish when kids are present.  This was frustrating, as though the school enjoyed adding another layer of opacity ("Thought you didn't understand all this before?  Now try it IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE!") but then I realised how funny it was to dredge up any scraps of French I could remember and add -io to the end of each word.  They're gonna love me.

And so today was the first day, and I took Pete along with the box full of stuff from the checklist.  He was wearing his red shirt and khaki shorts, as directed, and carrying his lunch in a backpack.  We found our way to the school hall, and I witnessed a girl in his class giving Pete's teacher a bouquet of flowers!  You thought institutionalised bribery was limited to politics here in the States?!  Pete will be arriving with $200 of chocolates and perfume tomorrow.

Luckily some of Pete's friends from pre-school are in his class, so he seems completely chilled and happy about the whole thing, just another transition in a life full of them.  Inevitably there was some hugging, crying, vomiting, and wetting of trousers when it finally came time to say goodbye, but Pete was patient, told me to stop embarrassing myself, and the teaching assistant helped clean me up before politely escorting me from the school grounds.

I'll be back this afternoon, to see how it all went.

Little man, ready to go.

Big man, not quite so ready.

When I was 5, my school curriculum was "try not to get beaten up".  This is a little more intellectual.

Decimated (literally, emotionally)

The walls echo with the sound of my footsteps, rather than demands for more food or screams when board games are lost and won.  Yes, the Hammonds have left, returning to a rainy and windy Weymouth.  They did spend a lot of time complaining about the heat and humidity here, so it's only fair.

Their second week was as packed as their first one, with butterflies, beaches, kayaking, and - most enjoyable of all - a trip to Crocodile Encounter!  We returned with the same number of children and limbs that left.

The other revelation was how much these kids enjoy thrift stores!  They flew back to the UK with cases full of cowboy boots, hats, belts, etc.  Bethany even came away with a genuine Stetson for $5!  We'll see if they get pulled aside when sneaking through the "Nothing To Declare" channel.

All in all we had a fabulous holiday with everyone, and as I tread the empty halls of my home, and the local supermarket wonders why it's no longer seeing me before breakfast everyday, and the charity shops of Houston wonder why there's such an uptick in their profits these last two weeks, I can only shed a tear and hope they'll all return next year.  Just enough time for me, our dishwasher, and Texas, to recover.

Do you know how much foliage these things can get through in a day?

 Caterpillars and butterflies.

Katharine, sweet as a flower.

I've got my eye on you.

Butterfly selfie.  Really?

In the planetarium.

Picnic breakfast before kayaking.  Less cleanup!

Hannah goes for advanced level.

Rebecca usually kayaks on the ocean.  "This is nothing."

Forgot my banjo.

At the kid's museum.  Now you know how I feel.

Katharine works off her diner order.

 Jacob on the indoor assault course.

Fluid mechanics.

Bethany tests her strength.

Galveston.

Oliver gets ready for a spot of surfing.

Having demolished the "Cardiac Arrest" burger (yes, that's what it's called).

Scott finally gets into the American spirit.

Watching an approaching storm while we wait for bats.

There are the bats!  Look closely.

Decisions.

Going to meet some crocs.  Or mostly alligators, actually.

And if you don't listen to Uncle David, this is what happens to you.

Slightly more docile.

Cheese!

We can wait here all day for one of you to fall in.

Serving suggestion.

Nom nom!

Some things eat you, some things you eat.

Crocodile wrestling.

I may have told a teensy fib about my "daughter" and I looking to buy a grand piano in order to try out some rather fine instruments at a local warehouse.

And finally, a trip to Yogurtland (the real reason they came to see us).

Arrive English, leave Texan.

Just like old times, but with less hair-pulling.

Seven days, one weak

"I'd rather feed you for a week than a fortnight," my Grandfather used to say whenever we went to visit.  If he'd met the Hammonds he'd have certainly shortened that length of time.  My daily routine now involves going to the supermarket before breakfast to make sure there's enough to sustain the army.

In-between eating we've been shocking tourist sites of Houston with our numbers.  Mostly the indoor ones, as there have been complaints about the heat and humidity.  They don't breed them as tough in the south of England as we do in Texas.

Army on the move through Hermann Park.

Katharine with her two eldest boys.

Is there something to eat down there?

Sisters together.

Some of the local wildlife that wasn't scared away.

Laying down the law.

Happy family.

Two babies.

Scott takes on the megasloth!

Some more sloth. 

Hot family.

Rebecca decides just how much of the world she wants to rule.

Oil crushes us all in the end.

The family that museums together, stays together.

Settling arguments.

VIPs at the cinema.

A trip to Whataburger!  In'n'Out, but Texan.

Small portions.

Off to NASA!

Not entirely sure what's happening here.

U-S-A!  U-S-A!

Younger sisters, so annoying!

Cheaper to launch them into space than keep feeding them.

Still-happy family!