Good morning.
Good morning David. How are you this fine day?
No, I ask that. How are you?
I am well.
How does it feel to be the mother of a Haas student?
I'm the proudest mother in the world. And also the proudest mother-in-law.
Well that goes without saying.
I have to say that because you're driving me to the airport.
How have you enjoyed California?
You're assuming that I've enjoyed it. I have had a "whale" of a time.
Hang on, I'm the only one allowed to be funny on my blog.
The serious answer is that it's like going back to the 60s, but with skyscrapers.
I didn't realise you were alive in the 60s!
I was a student in the 60s.
Did you march?
No.
Did you burn your bra?
I'm not going to answer that question.
I'll take that as a yes.
I didn't burn it, I just didn't wear one.
Moving on. How would you rate the people who have married into the Goodall family?
11/10.
And Scott and Laura?
Absolutely.
Which of your characteristics are you most proud to have passed onto your children?
Blimey. I don't think of them as clones of me.
No, that would definitely be spooky. OK, let me rephrase. Out of your qualities of compassion, intelligence, kindness and general joie de vivre, which do you see most in your children?
I cannot see them in bits, they are beautiful, rounded, whole people.
Really? Even Rachel? Anyway, what message of hope will you take back to the people of England from America?
From the experience of whale watching: in spite of acute disappointment and raised expectations, it's important to come back and try again. And to do your research beforehand.
When are you coming back?
When the whales reappear.
Oh, I'm afraid we're busy then.
There are some good motels up the road.
What is your favourite mother-in-law joke?
I don't have one.
Do you mind if I tell you my favourite?
You're going to anyway.
I bought my mother-in-law a wooden leg for Christmas. It wasn't her main present, just a stocking filler!
C'mon, that was funny!!
Who's your favourite member of the royal family?
I'm a republican.
How do you take your tea?
Redbush, with milk.
That's not very traditional.
That's what I like!
Would you say that knowing your own mind is the greatest gift you've passed onto Hannah?
It's a public misconception that I know my own mind.
Who's your favourite cricketer?
Mark Ramprakash.
Wow, I didn't think you knew any cricketers!
It's only because he was on Strictly Come Dancing. Oh, and my biggest disappointment is discovering that you haven't converted the Californians to cricket. It was your stated aim on moving here, and it's been six months. What have you be doing?
I've...err...been very busy. Now, this blog is a timeless testament that will be read for many hundreds of years. What one message would you like to pass on to your future generations?
Love, man (said with a Californian accent, wearing a tie-dyed hippie shirt).
Thank you. There, that wasn't too painful was it?
Hmmm.
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And with that she was gone. I'm not sure what Hannah and me are going to do after a wonderful week of whales, wine tasting and woks, but California's loss is England's gain...until my in-laws buy that vineyard in Sonoma and move here permanently.
