With everything that's happening, I'm on alert for a huge flood to wipe out life from the face of the Earth. I know God made a promise to Noah, but I can't help feeling that circumstances have changed since then.
So to put my fears to rest I bought a couple of inflatable kayaks! Together with my 200 rolls of toilet paper, 500 tins of food, and my secret underground bunker, I'm quietly confident we can survive the next few months.
But what's the point of an emergency plan if you haven't tested it? Which is why me, Hannah and Pete headed up to The Woodlands this morning to make sure our boat could float. This is a shiny suburban part of the city, with everything planned around waterways. Thank goodness we never get hurricanes or flooding!
Hannah had already completed a literal dry run in our living room so I left the hard work of inflating the boat to her. It was surprisingly quick, and together with the inflatable seats and clip-together oars the whole arrangement looked vaguely seaworthy. We lowered it from the dock, lowered ourselves in, and drifted off.
It was wonderful! There are no worries about social distancing when you're surrounded by water; one day I'll get my own castle with a moat. We made our way serenely across the lake and down through some landscaped channels between stylish apartment blocks, sharing greetings with other kayakers and paddleboarders as we passed.
I was up front and Hannah and Pete were in the back - the "engine room" as I believe Olympic rowers refer to it - but unfortunately most of the paddling was left to me, which meant that my prime athletic physique was feeling very tired after about fifteen minutes of splashing. We bobbed around, admiring the flowers and the wildlife, and took a circuit around one of the lake fountains without getting too wet
Soon we were back on shore, having had a great nautical time. Could we survive a Biblical deluge in this thing? What about taking in the animals two-by-two for forty days/nights? To paraphrase the famous shark documentary: we're gonna need a bigger boat.
Well done Hannah. I'll just stand here and supervise...
At the back.
The full crew!
Drifting about in The Woodlands.
How's flood insurance out here?
"Jump in and we'll take you to safety!" He didn't respond.
