Snow limits

The answer to the question "What's the best country in the world for [insert something here]?" is always "Norway". It's true! But not being trusting people, we decided to go and find out for ourselves.

Things didn't start brilliantly, with a three-hour delay for our flight. Brussels Airport basically shuts at 9pm, so it was strange huddling together with our fellow Oslo-bound passengers in one small corner of a giant empty atrium.

The reason for the wait soon became apparent: SNOW! This was Pete's reason for wanting to head north in the first place, but de-icing planes evidently slows things, and by the time we'd touched down in deep-and-crisp-and-even Scandinavia the last airport train had departed. 

When we finally got to the front of the taxi queue, I decided it was best to close my eyes. The driver explained how all Norwegians have to complete courses on winter driving to get a license, and about snow tires, but that didn't help. Coming from a country where a heavy frost causes road chaos and carnage, I was not prepared to be driven at 120kph in white-out conditions. "I feel the road through my feet and hands," said the driver chattily. I'm sure you do, but I was too busy asking the Virgin Mary for protection to respond.

After the small matter of finding our rented apartment at 2am in a blizzard (unlike Scott of the Antarctic, we didn't resort to eating anyone to survive) I was beginning to wonder if Norway was all it was cracked up to be.

But my fears were unfounded! The next morning we donned every warm and waterproof thing we'd packed and set out. The city of Oslo is unbelievably walkable, even under a metre of snow, and busses, trams, and people didn't seem to care about snowmageddon. It's almost like...this is normal here! We wandered around the frozen harbour with it's floating saunas (just no) and had lunch at a restaurant with a dedicated warm room to shed your many layers in.

The day after was clear and bright, and we took a boat trip around the fjord on a fancy electric catamaran. For a pre-Christmas destination, Oslo seemed very quiet, so as Pete was the only child onboard he got invited to drive. I guess there are no maritime laws in Norway. The captain hovered attentively, and amazingly this did not all end in disaster.

Talking of boats, we also got to walk around on the ships that took famed Norwegian Roald Amundsen through the Northwest  Passage and to the South Pole! They're just sitting there in an Oslo museum!! He was racing the aforementioned Scott, and it seems like the Norwegians actually planned their Antarctic foray in minute detail, whereas the Brits just trusted in our famed pluck and courage to get us through. And we know how that turned out.

Our flight back to Brussels was only slightly delayed by de-icing, where runny brown stuff slid down the plane windows before take off and filled me with no confidence whatsoever. By now I should have been assured that the Norwegians know what they're doing in these temperatures, but I think our next trip might be to the Costa del Sol.

A merry pre-Christmas.

My little angel.

Outside the palace. Yes, they have a royal family here too! But these ones let you walk around their garden.

Finally warming up on a cruise.

How Scandi can you get?

This is about as high as the sun rises at this time of year. It's like being back in Durham!

Why don't we put him in charge?

First naval commission successfully navigated!

Another impressive Norwegian ship: the Gjoa.

A model of the British attempt at the pole. Hmm.

Another British attempt.

See? The Norwegians thought of everything.

OK, that's enough snow now.

Canal knowledge

I believe my time away from home has given me a wider perspective on other cultures and customs, leading me to greater acceptance of diverse traditions and ways of life. But come on - clogs?!

These shoes, made from material that no shoe should ever be made from, were everywhere on our recent trip to Amsterdam. In shops, on signs, as decorations...but tellingly not on anyone's feet. Are clogs simply a ridiculous myth dreamed up for tourists, like the Loch Ness monster or the British royal family?

I mused on this as we wandered around the capital of the Netherlands, another fabulous European city an easy train ride from Brussels. Like many others, this is a romantically medieval town of cobbled streets and narrow bridges over canals. Yes, lots of canals. It's completely unsuited to modern car traffic, which doesn't stop the residents zooming down the streets, no doubt constantly cursing at directionless tourists.

We were here mainly by Pete's request. He had read Anne Frank's Diary of a Young Girl back in Houston, while far too young himself really, and wanted to visit her house. The warehouse where the Jewish family and friends hid has been completely preserved and surrounded by a modern museum, and it's as devastating as you might imagine. There should be a list of places it's mandatory for world leaders to visit before being allowed to take office, and this should be on it.

After our time in the city, we moved to the countryside and an outdoor museum. Here was the real Holland: windmills, cheese, and more clogs. It wasn't quite the Dutch Disneyland, but we did get to tour a "colour mill" that was used for crushing all manner of minerals into dyes and paints. The sails were turning, but I didn't get to commit the health and safety violations that Windy Miller used to in Camberwick Green.

We had lunch at a nice brewery by the river. Though I may get extradited, I have to say that Dutch and German beer is much more to my liking than Belgian, mainly due to it being less that 10.5% strength. You can still function after a glass! Perhaps that's why bureaucracy takes so long in Brussels; don't bother trying to open a bank account after lunchtime.

Our 48-hour whistle-stop Netherlands tour complete, we caught the train back to Brussels with our bags full of stroopwafels and our tummies full of stamppot. And - much to our downstairs neighbour's relief - no clogs.

Yes, Amsterdam really does look like Amsterdam.

A coffee shop, but not that kind of coffee shop.

Life skills.

How Dutch can you go?

Another deathtrap for Windy Miller.

Too gouda be true.

Let's make clogs even more uncomfortable, said someone.

Miffy's Dutch! Who knew?

I always told Pete he had big shoes to fill.

Summer season is closed

Given that unfortunate pandemic thing, Davies Tourism International Ltd has had a quiet couple of years. Thankfully our relocation to Europe has seen us return with a vengeance, and business has been booming over the summer season.

First was the arrival of Claire and JJ. "We'll send them for a week, then come and pick them up," said their parents suspiciously. Claire, of course, used to be my Californian baby, but somewhere along the way she became 13, and now JJ's 11. Claire looks like Christine and acts like Vince, JJ looks like Vince and acts like Christine. It's all very confusing, but we had a fabulous week of Rubik's Cube art and visits to racing circuits. Sadly, their parents did arrive to take them away.

It didn't matter, because on the day they left Pete's friend Emilia arrived, together with her parents! They were only here for one night, with things to do in Amsterdam and London after seeing us.

But luckily on the day they left the Lefevres got here, our neighbours from Houston! This was Levi and Lexi's first trip outside the USA, and while Kindra had been to Germany as an exchange student, Dave had only been over on his honeymoon. They took a quick trip to Cologne while staying. "I noticed we were the loudest people on the train," Dave observed. "And then I realized we're the loudest people everywhere." Texas meets Europe! We had a fantastic time with them, and our cupboards were restocked with the best of Trader Joe's and Houston espresso beans.

We waved them goodbye after an action-packed two weeks, then welcomed Isabel, sister of our Chilean friends Silvi and Ignacio. She was undertaking a grand tour that had already included Egypt and Jordan, and took herself off to Bruges, Antwerp, etc. The highlight of her stay was when Pete and I showed her around the royal palace, which they open for a couple of months while the royal family are off in Cannes or Nice or wherever. There was a lot of gold in there.

Then came the Hammonds - so large they arrived in two chunks. First was Katharine, Scott and the twins, and we all went to Germany, to attend the world's largest videogame conference and also to see the war grave of a great uncle who was shot down over Dusseldorf. While there we visited the utterly crazy Landschaftspark, an ex-smelting facility where they've left all the industrial equipment for people to clamber over. A health and safety nightmare! And a lot of fun.

Then the second Hammond tranche was served: Bethany with boyfriend Alfie, who are Interrailing around the continent. Instead of roughing it for a month, they decided to halve their journey and double their budget, including a finish in Disneyland Paris. Kids these days, eh? I put them on a train to Bern yesterday, so they are now officially on their own in the big wide world.

That concludes the summer season! The tour guide can now take a very well-deserved break and hand over to the cleaning and maintenance manager. Wait...they're the same person! All I can say is: book early for Summer 2023.

Watching the racing at Spa Francorchamps! This was a pilgrimage, an honour, and a privilege. More for me than the kids, but whatever.

Putting them to work. Nobody stays for free!

JJ has an objection.

So sweet together! For the 6 nanoseconds it took me to take the photo.

I warned them!

Classic album covers...made of Rubik's Cubes! JJ is a solve-it-in-7-seconds cube whizz, so was impressed.

I'm sorry Claire.

The older Muckers arrive, so we head to the nearest bar.

Pete and Emilia. They grow so fast!

Maybe Stefano should have stayed off the waffles.

Isabel arrives from Chile, via more countries than I've ever been to.

Enjoying some bling at the palace.

Then onto a legitimate form of government.

Reunited with his best friends from Texas!

Food.

More food.

A visit to the sewer museum. Hypocritical of Katharine to complain about the smell.

It was as yucky as it looked. Fascinating, but not a stop that will be added to the tour permanently.

 Guten tag from GamesCon 2022!

We weren't alone.

My son following in my footsteps. So proud.

You know you're in Germany when...

Bottomless beer!

A surreal visit to an ex-industrial park.

I presume these tracks are decommissioned.

Bethany and Alfie arrive.

Getting ready to travel.

Brussels has the fifth largest church in the world. Who knew? Here's Bethany at the top.

It's cheaper to take these kids to an all-you-can-eat buffet than to cook for them at home.

Learning the flags of the places they'll be visiting.

And getting on the train to Bern! My work here is done.