So today I'm going to tell you exactly what I did. While my wife was out making the aforementioned world a better place, I built us a bed! I consider this to be a highly masculine thing to do, employing all the subtlety and nuance always associated with DIY. It also means that we will no longer be sleeping on a Salvation Army purchased mattress, although I'm sure it was a shop second rather than secondhand.
Our new bed is king-sized, and as you would expect an American king is bigger than an English king (and they're the ones who kicked the monarchy out!) Hannah and I can now sleep without touching each other at all, which to my mind makes for a more healthy and balanced, not to say hygienic, marriage. The only annoyance is how far I have to stretch to push her when she's snoring. A small price to pay for my fine piece of craftsman construction.
After that, I baked an apple cake. Renaissance man? Leonardo (da Vinci and/or DiCaprio) has got nothing on me.
Watch and learn.
Boo-yah! Now I feel like a cup of tea, a piece of cake, and a lie down. Convenient.