Tonight's show was a bit different from usual, and I'd read about it so was very happy. Alongside two human contestants (the two most accomplished in the show's history, I might add) was a supercomputer designed by IBM called Watson. Unlike Deep Blue, the chess-playing computer that beat Kasparov and was known for its taciturn and humourless manner, Watson is programmed to understand puns, jokes, and wordplay, and so is more sociable from the start.
Any warm feelings I had quickly faded as I saw how surgically Watson swept away his puny biological opponents. To even things up he still had to press a buzzer mechanically, but even opposable thumbs that have served humanity so admirably were made to look useless. The computer dropped one point, I think, the entire game, finishing around $20,000 better off than the other contestants.
My fellow gym-goers seemed more-or-less oblivious to the evolutionary Judgement Day that was taking place before their eyes, and were mostly watching the basketball. I wanted to run from treadmill to cross-trainer, shaking them, trying to make them understand, but I was mindful enough of the monthly fee I would lose by getting banned.
There is some comfort for carbon-based lifeforms in that the contest (one big infomercial for IBM, really) still has a day to go, but on the evidence of tonight it's time to pack your bags and head for the hills. I fear that even I, with my vast ability to turn computers off and on again, thereby fixing them, may be obsolete in this new world. And Watson isn't even connected to the Internet - imagine when he can send derogatory e-mails about fellow contestants to his silicon friends.
Day 1, when Watson did display a less than perfect knowledge of Beatles songs. Or perhaps he was toying with us.
Just imagine how well he could do on The Price is Right.
