So imagine my surprise when I found myself in the middle of a class action lawsuit! I don't even know what a class action lawsuit is, but it seems that health provider Anthem Blue Cross did something to some policyholders at some point and, because some people were suing them, so was I. I didn't really take much notice of the letter when it arrived, losing myself in dreams of being called to the witness stand, the prosecutor asking the judge for permission to treat me as a hostile witness, me shouting "you can't handle the truth!" to a rapt jury, etc.
Anyway, none of that came to pass, but it seems that the lawsuit went ahead in my absence and today I received my damages, which I hope were punitive as all the best damages are:
Yes, an eye-watering settlement of $1.51 (they wrote 'dollars' plural to make it seem more). The lady who scalded herself on coffee got $2.7 million! But the way I look at it, that's $1.51 that I wouldn't otherwise have. They paid first-class postage to send it to me...and then international postage to have it forwarded to Canada...but it does mean that next time I'm in the States I can buy myself a drip coffee, making sure not to spill it on myself. After renting a car and paying for petrol to get down there.
Perhaps part of the settlement is a gagging order, in which case I suppose I shouldn't be talking about it. I'll keep the cheque in case they want it back. As Perry Mason would say: move to strike!
