Hello Mathew. How have you enjoyed your stay in Berkeley?
Very nice, thank you.
What has been your favourite bit?
The live music in Nashville. I could have sat there for a week.
Just for your information,Nashville isn't actually in Berkeley.
OK. Rasputin Records, Amoeba Records...Alcatraz today was great.
How do you make an honest dime back home?
You're not even paying attention to me are you?
I am, I'm just thinking what to say to you. Well, I suppose I'm in the business of...I could say I'm in education but I'd be more honest to say that I've continued being a student. I teach, I research, I write stuff.
Anything we'd have heard of?
No. I'm on Amazon, but no one's reviewed my stuff. Please, be the first.
What are you researching right now?
I'm researching the links between the evengelical movements in the US and the UK.
Wow, that sound's kind of boring.
OK. You could say I'm researching the crazier elements of Christianity either side of the Atlantic. Does that sound more interesting?
A little.
Who's the crazier: the UK or the USA? I've decided I'm going to be the adjudicator of that one.
Could you give my blog readers a sneak preview of the answer?
I thought the US was crazier, but I'm beginning to wonder.
Great, now they won't have to read your book.
Would they anyway?
You're a staunch British nationalist. Could you give us a one-sentence sell of all that's good about the British Isles?
Yes.
Thank you.
Fish and chips, in a country pub, next to an open fire, wearing a roll-neck jumper. Need I say more?
No, you've certainly described what an exciting, dynamic and forward-thinking place it is. You have, however, commented on the extraordinary oratory skills of President-elect Obama in his victory speak. Can you give him any words of wisdom from the motherland?
Yes I can.
I think he's already got those...
I have so little to offer, but so much to learn.
That's rubbish.
That's my sincerest point. But I would say, more jokes.
Like your lectures?
Yeah, my lectures are full of jokes. Not always intended.
What's your favourite religion?
You really can't get cooler than the Quakers.
And your least favourite?
A cult I don't want to be publically seen to criticise.
Hmmm, mysterious. Well, that about wraps up your trip for this year. When will you be back on these shores?
As soon as possible.
Will you be staying with us again?
Next time I'll be bringing British cuisine for the partners' lunch.
I'm not sure what the offal allowance on British Airways is these days.
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So there you have it. Dr Guest flies out tomorrow. On his short trip he's seen the best of America, from the deep fried south to the loony liberal left coast. He arrived under one president and leaves under another (sort of). He has touched the lives of all he has met, and returns to England a little older, wiser, and heavier than when he came. A bit like E.T.
